you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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