Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
did i just pee glitter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
