I'm going to jail i love you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
