I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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