Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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