Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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