If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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