I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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