My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
