the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
