theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
