she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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