Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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