I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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