my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
