Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
