i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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