This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
