I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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