oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
