During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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