and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
