He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
