Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
