If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
