also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
