lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
