mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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