margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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