My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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