She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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