all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
