DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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