i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
