so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
