Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
