I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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