Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
