your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
