If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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