the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
