i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
