i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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