We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
