I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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