Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
