I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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