i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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