I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
