if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
