Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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