I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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