We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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